EPISODE 4: WILL HE STILL BE YOUR GOD? Jenn’s Story of Infertility and Faith


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Summary:

In this episode, we interview Jenn Jennings about her journey of experiencing infertility and how it has shaped her relationship with God. Her transparency and vulnerability teach us how we can approach pain in our lives and how God’s faithfulness can help us get through it. Her story reveals how unfiltered honesty with God can open the door to healing and peace. We encourage you to listen!


Blog:

You guys…this episode was DEEP. I’ve had the privilege of knowing Jenn since this Sisterhood began 3 years ago. She’s a fearless leader with a great sense of humor. She’s incredibly humble and is truly steadfast in her faith. She dives deep into scripture and she’s definitely a woman after God’s own heart. I knew these things about her, but this episode really opened my eyes to what made her the woman she is today.

The role of pain in our lives is hard to understand. If you’re like me, you’re an avoider when it comes to pain. I’ll binge-watch a series on Netflix, pig out on all kinds of junk food, fill my Amazon cart and keep doing whatever I can to distract myself. The definition of pain never changes, but there are plenty of ways we can respond to it. Jenn radically changed my perspective on my approach to pain. She was so heart-wrenchingly vulnerable with the magnitude of all the pain she experienced in her journey. What I admire so much about her is her decision to stay connected with God despite wrestling with the reality that infertility was a part of her story.

Jenn was completely unfiltered with God. Her transparency and vulnerability with God are an incredible example of how we can come to God instead of running from Him in the midst of our pain. She questioned Him, and she was angry with Him, but she knew that God was able to handle it. By sharing how she felt with God, it deepened her connection to Him and created space for healing.

“I have not shied away from God. I have not shied away from being angry with God, from being hurt by God, or what I thought was hurt by God. I have not shied away from being who I am.”

For over a decade, Jenn has worked through many difficult hardships. She’s endured heartache and grief and there are still questions that remain unanswered and emotions that demand to be felt. She could’ve easily chosen to walk away from God. She surrendered her life to Him, she remained pure until marriage, and she devoted her time and heart to leading worship. She was faithful and obedient, and even though she did everything “right”, God had a different plan for her.

“Is God still going to be your God if you never have children?”

Jenn’s answer was an unswerving and resounding yes. “What God and I have is so intimate and personal that nothing can break that bond. Nothing can. When I get to Heaven, I may or may not experience motherhood on this Earth, but I will always be a daughter to God, the most high King, and that is enough.”

I could not stop the tears when I heard her say this. Her greatest heart’s desire is to have a child and even though she hasn’t been able to physically, she’s seen what God has done to show her that He has a bigger plan and purpose for her life.

“Despite me not getting my miracle, I can think back on moments during this whole season where I was somewhere because I didn’t have a kid. I was leading worship; I was in front of that woman having a conversation late at night...” She was able to start this podcast and she’s been able to experience glimmers of motherhood by being a Godmother to an incredible little boy that she gets to shower with love and spend time with.

“God has proven himself constantly in my life, he is always faithful with everything else…He has a bigger plan and bigger purpose for my life than I can ever imagine.” “God has been faithful with the tiny things; how can I not trust him with the big things.” Making the decision to trust in God’s faithfulness opens up the door to finding peace. Jenn understood God’s character of being consistent and faithful. Knowing who God is can be so comforting because we don’t have to sweat the small stuff. God is always working behind the scenes, orchestrating times and places and people we meet, all to give us a hope and future that is better than anything we could’ve done ourselves.

It’s a harsh reality but the pain is inevitable in this broken world. Your pain might manifest as guilt or shame, or anger. We can get so lost in our pain and instant gratification is so enticing but there is always another choice. God loves you more than you’ll ever be able to comprehend. I still have trouble trying to understand it. There will be days you don’t believe it or don’t feel it and that’s okay. God can handle it. Despite overseeing an entire universe, with all the galaxies and planets, God stops to listen to YOU because YOU are worth it. Trusting God in the middle of depression, suffering, heartache and all the hardships in between will be a process. Decide to trust in that moment. Let God hear your raw and unfiltered thoughts.

If someone you know is experiencing infertility, the best thing you can do is sit with them in what their feeling and support whatever step they decide to take. Avoid filling the silence with cliché sayings and be a safe space for them. We all need people we can depend on. You also deserve support and comfort during your darkest days, so allow yourself to be loved in that way. If you haven’t found your Sisterhood yet, my prayer is that God will guide you to the right people at the right time. While you’re searching, I pray that as you listen to our podcast, you feel the love we have for you and that the words we share are ones that uplift you, encourage you, and remind you of how much God loves you.

As always, thank you for reading and we’re glad you showed up!

- Lexxy


Takeaways:

  • God can handle your unfiltered thoughts and feelings.

  • When we're in pain, God wants us to run to Him, not away from Him.

  • Is God still going to be your God even if His plan doesn’t align with your plan?

  • God is faithful with tiny things and with the big things.

  • Do what’s good for you, even if you don’t feel like it. (Read/listen to scripture, pray, call a friend, etc.)


Homework:

  1. Think back to a hard time in your life and reflect on ways you noticed God’s faithfulness.

  2. Have a quiet time investigating the characteristics of God through scripture.

  3. Find 2-3 scriptures below to memorize and help you during hardships.

  4. Read the poem “Footprints in the Sand” for a different perspective on God’s faithfulness.


Related Scripture:


Psalm 34:17-18 “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”


2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”


Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”


1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”


John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.


Psalm 119:76 “May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.”


Resources


What is Infertility? A free 7-day devotional: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss He said, she said: Couples talk about miscarriage and marriage